Conflict is not a sign of dysfunction; it’s a sign of humanity. Whenever people with passion, gifting, vision, and conviction work together, friction will follow. Truth is, whenever people serve together, you’re guaranteed to encounter sanctified squabbles. Sadly, many of my past squabbles were not so sanctified. Ouch!
The real question is not whether conflict will arise; it does, but whether leaders will steward it in a way that strengthens unity instead of weakening it. Effective conflict resolution is not merely a soft skill; it is a spiritual discipline that protects the integrity of the staff and congregation while accelerating mission impact.
Here are a few practical steps, insights, and actionable tools to help you resolve conflict with greater confidence and biblical alignment. (Where was this when I needed it?)
Cut Through the Fog
Most conflicts are caused by assumptions. Clarify what is actually at stake. Make the issue the issue. Avoid making the person the issue. Ask, “What happened? How can we make this better? What do you need now?” This shifts the conversation from accusation to clarity. Once visibility increases, safe, confident movement becomes possible.
Remove the Splinter
Avoiding conflict guarantees resentment, missed opportunities, and more problems. Addressing it, although it may be somewhat painful initially, creates restoration. Do your best to have the conversation quickly, prayerfully, and privately. It also helps to ask yourself, “Is this the best time for the other person?” In other words, don’t have the discussion if they’re getting ready to preach or lead a meeting. Remove the splinter before it becomes infected.
I See a 6! I See a 9!
Listening is often the most powerful leadership tool. Show you’re listening by repeating back what you heard to ensure alignment. Conflict usually arises when two people see the same thing from different perspectives. For example, two people staring at a number on the ground and one sees a 6, the other a 9. The only way forward is stepping around to see each other’s perspective.
A Lesson From The Ox
Unity forms when solutions are built collaboratively. Here’s an idea on making this happen. Agree on actions, expectations, and follow-up steps. Two oxen pulling in different directions go nowhere; once aligned, they can plow an entire field.
Final Thought
Conflict is going to happen when two or more are gathered together. The key is to focus on the issue, not the individual. Use conflict to make each other and their ideas better. Allow conflict to be an opportunity to learn how to better deal with people and to hear different ideas.
Written by Rod Whitlock, Coach, Invest Leadership Initiative
Sign up to receive my posts via email and get a FREE copy of The Five Enemies of Growth!
