You can’t influence people who are protecting themselves from you. I know because I’ve had a few leaders who left some eggshells in my path. Actual influence starts where self-protection ends. I was unable to thrive in my role because I was just trying to survive. Influence is like a magnet—it attracts. Push too hard, and the magnet flips polarity, repelling instead.
1. Drop the Sword, Earn the Word
When people lay down their defenses, your words finally start to matter. When people feel unsafe—emotionally, mentally, spiritually—they go into protection mode. They stop listening. Influence shuts down. Like a turtle retreating into its shell, people instinctively protect themselves from perceived threats—even if you’re “just trying to help.”
2. Less Push, More Pull
Influence flows when people are drawn in, not driven over. Create space for voluntary buy-in instead of compliance. This approach shows that you trust and respect your team, fostering a more positive and productive work environment. Ethical influence never involves coercion. When we lean too hard, people lean out. Influence happens at the speed of permission granted to us by those we are leading.
3. Your Vibe Is Louder Than Your Voice
It’s the 55-38-7 communication rule.
- 55% is body language.
- 38% is our voice tone.
- 7% is the words we choose.
Your body language, tone, and energy speak louder than your words. People read these cues before they ever hear your content. Sarcasm, passive-aggression, over-correction—each causes micro-withdrawals. When people guard themselves, leadership efforts hit a wall. Be aware and conscious of your non-verbal cues to ensure your message is received positively.
Final Thought
Embrace self-awareness in your tone and behavior. It’s a powerful tool that can enlighten and empower you as a leader. Every protective wall someone builds in your presence is a leadership signal. Pay attention. Break down fear, and you’ll build up influence.
Written by Rod Whitlock, Coach, Invest Leadership Initiative
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