One of my favorite workshops to facilitate is the Communication Workshop. It is a lot of fun. I ask some questions in that workshop about encouragement; first, I ask those who feel that they have too much encouragement to raise their hands. No one ever does. Then I ask for those who feel as though they have a satisfactory amount of encouragement in their lives to raise their hands; there is usually a handful of people who identify positively with this question. Finally, I ask for those who feel as though they do not have enough encouragement in their lives to raise their hands; this question elicits the most response every time. Why do you think this is? How would you answer these questions? We all have a desire to be affirmed and appreciated, but we often find ourselves unable to encourage others. I would argue that sometimes we are hesitant to encourage others simply because we are unsure of how to do so appropriately. Encouragement is truly a powerful thing, but there are things to remember when we are encouraging others. Here are a few.
- Context. Your encouragement should fit into the context of your relationship. For example, a teacher may encourage a student by recognizing an exceptional test grade.
- Specific. Encouragement should also be specific. Specificity is the difference between saying “Great game!” and saying “Man, that was an incredible 3 pointer in the 4th quarter!”
- Appropriate. The final thing that encouragement should be is appropriate. Encouragement should never make the recipient feel awkward or uncomfortable. In other words, don’t be weird.
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Listen.
Sometimes people just want to be heard. When you listen to someone and pay attention to their story, you affirm that what they have to say has value and is important. Affirming the value of another person is what encouragement is all about.
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Affirm.
People remember bad things far more than they remember good things. Part of the reason for this is that negative experiences are dealt with in a different part of the brain and are processed more thoroughly, which leads to a stronger memory of the event or criticism. While we can’t change the way our brains process information, we can help those around us have positive experiences instead of negative ones. One of the best ways to do this is to speak life to your people.
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Write a note.
In a society dominated by technology, a handwritten note has an incredible impact. Let someone know that you are thinking of them and that you appreciate them. Your relationship will grow and flourish when you take the time to encourage them in this way.
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Show interest.
Be present at important moments in their life. You may not even need to say anything; your presence alone will be encouraging all on its own.
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Learn.
A lot of people use the Five Love Languages to learn the best way to encourage another person. Figure out how they feel loved and encouraged so that you can reach them in a way that will have the most impact. Remember, encouragement should be specific.
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Recognize accomplishments.
One way to do this is to affirm them publicly. Give someone a shout-out in a staff meeting, post a picture of them on Instagram with a caption that recognizes their hard work or accomplishments. The feeling of being seen and appreciated is very encouraging.
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Treat them.
Take someone to dinner or buy them a cup of coffee. I always joke that nothing tastes better than free food. When you do this, you create an opportunity that will not only serve to build further relationship but will also make the other person feel appreciated.
