Have you ever been around someone who seems to be perpetually in a crisis? No matter what the circumstances are, there is always a reason to panic. The constant state of stress puts this person on edge all of the time. Maybe you work with someone like that. Or perhaps, if you should be so lucky, you live with someone like that. Stress in that capacity can become contagious if we aren’t careful. The consequences of high levels of stress have wreaked havoc in their lives, and, if you aren’t careful, it can be very easy for you to take on that stress as well. We talk quite a bit about stress on this blog; how to handle it, manage it, and address it. But what do we do when we are dealing with what I like to call second-hand stress? Second-hand stress is the stress that comes from other people’s issues; second hand stress flows out of letting someone else’s problem become your personal crisis. Studies show that therapists often suffer from what is called vicarious trauma, which is a phenomenon that causes the therapist to become traumatized as a result of hearing the stories and retellings of traumatic events their clients have experienced. While second hand stress is not as severe as the trauma that a therapist has to deal with, the reality is that we are compassionate and empathetic as human beings. We have the capacity to carry the burdens of those around us even when it is not our responsibility to do so. So how do we deal with this? How do we manage our stress even when we are surrounded by people who are continually in a state of stress and panic? Here are a few ways to get started.
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Set up personal boundaries.
Regardless of your relationship, whether with a coworker or a family member, you have to find a way to have boundaries in your relationship. This could mean that you limit the amount of time you spend with this person or the length of the conversations about their stress level that you engage in. Boundaries protect your free time and help manage your emotional investment in their situation.
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Plan ahead.
Quite often, crises are brought on by a lack of planning. You cannot dictate how another person is going to manage their time, but you can look at your own responsibilities and deal with them in a healthy way. When you set aside time to plan and check things off your to-do list, you eliminate the possibility of a crisis down the line.
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Have a strong support system.
A lot of times, second-hand stress comes from feeling like you have to shoulder the burdens of another person. The reality is that there will be times when you have to help that coworker solve their crisis. When those situations arise, however, it is important not to carry that responsibility alone. Acting as the savior will not help anyone; involve others in the process of finding a solution to the issue that you are faced with. The more people you have involved, the less stress you will take on.
